And so, for the benefit of time-pressed (or lazy) Eng Lit students everywhere, I present the first in a series of Classics, As Summarised by Microsoft Word.
Summary
by Jane Austen
"Bingley."
Elizabeth felt Jane's pleasure. "Never, sir."
Mr. Darcy bowed.
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet."
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet!" repeated Miss Bingley. "CAROLINE BINGLEY"
Elizabeth silently attended her.
"How strange!" cried Elizabeth. Mr. Collins then returned to Elizabeth.
Elizabeth was in agonies. Elizabeth replied that it was. Oh, sister! Poor Jane! Elizabeth made no answer. Elizabeth looked surprised. "FITZWILLIAM DARCY"
"Oh, no!" said Elizabeth. Elizabeth was distressed. Elizabeth was delighted. "LYDIA BENNET."
"Oh! Elizabeth read on:
Well! "Mr. Darcy!" repeated Elizabeth, in utter amazement.
Elizabeth smiled.
"If! Darcy mentioned his letter. Mr. Darcy! Dear, dear Lizzy. "Dearest Jane!
Now, I don't know about you, but I think some of the subplots and character nuances are slightly obscured in this 100-word rendition. You need to read between the lines somewhat, to do justice to the high comedy and acute social observation of the original. So here, for the completists among us, is the 500-word version:
Summary
By Jane Austen
"Bingley."
Elizabeth felt Jane's pleasure. "Never, sir."
Mr. Darcy bowed.
"Mr. Darcy is all politeness," said Elizabeth, smiling.
Elizabeth looked archly, and turned away. Mr. Darcy replied with great intrepidity:
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet."
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet!" repeated Miss Bingley. "MY DEAR FRIEND,--
"CAROLINE BINGLEY"
Elizabeth silently attended her.
I thought Miss Elizabeth Bennet looked remarkably well when she came into the room this morning. "All young ladies accomplished! "Removed!" cried Bingley. Do not you, Darcy?"
"Your humility, Mr. Bingley," said Elizabeth, "must disarm reproof."
shocking!" cried Miss Bingley. "Mr. Darcy is not to be laughed at!" cried Elizabeth. Elizabeth turned away to hide a smile.
Mrs. Bennet's eyes sparkled. "Dear Sir,--
"WILLIAM COLLINS"
Elizabeth could not but look surprised.
"How strange!" cried Elizabeth. This information made Elizabeth smile, as she thought of poor Miss Bingley. Elizabeth felt herself completely taken in. "Insolent girl!" said Elizabeth to herself. Mr. Collins then returned to Elizabeth.
Elizabeth now began to revive.
Elizabeth was in agonies. Elizabeth replied that it was. Charlotte's reply was spared by the entrance of Jane and Elizabeth.
Mr. Collins!"
Elizabeth took an opportunity of thanking her. Neither Jane nor Elizabeth were comfortable on this subject. "My dear Jane!" exclaimed Elizabeth, "you are too good. Oh, sister! Poor Jane! "Elizabeth, you are not serious now."
_that_ abominable Mr. Darcy! Elizabeth shook her head over this letter. Elizabeth's courage did not fail her. Lady Catherine then observed,
Your younger sisters must be very young?"
Elizabeth immediately began playing again. Elizabeth made no answer. Elizabeth looked surprised. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. The pause was to Elizabeth's feelings dreadful. "FITZWILLIAM DARCY"
Lady Catherine seemed resigned. "Poor Wickham! Jane was not happy. Poor little Lizzy! "Oh, no!" said Elizabeth. Elizabeth was distressed. Elizabeth was delighted. "Does that young lady know Mr. Darcy?"
Elizabeth coloured, and said: "A little."
Elizabeth almost stared at her. Elizabeth answered only by a slight bow. Darcy was fixed in astonishment. Darcy made no answer. Elizabeth soon observed, and instantly understood it. "I do indeed," replied Elizabeth, colouring. From Elizabeth's thoughts it was never absent. "Not yet," replied Jane.
"LYDIA BENNET."
"Oh! Elizabeth impatiently caught it from his hand. Elizabeth read on:
GARDINER."
"My dear, dear Lydia!" she cried. My dear, dear Lydia! Well! Mrs. Wickham! Elizabeth was disgusted, and even Miss Bennet was shocked. Jane was distressed. Elizabeth could bear it no longer. "Mr. Darcy!" repeated Elizabeth, in utter amazement.
"Exceedingly well. Mr. Bingley arrived. Jane looked at Elizabeth with surprise and concern. Elizabeth dared not lift up her eyes. Elizabeth smiled. Elizabeth was forced to go.
"I suspected as much," replied Elizabeth. Elizabeth replied very concisely that she was.
Elizabeth looked with unaffected astonishment.
"If! No, never. Lady Catherine seemed pleased.
"Oh!" cried Elizabeth, "I am excessively diverted. Darcy mentioned his letter. Mr. Darcy! Dear, dear Lizzy. "Dearest Jane! "DEAR SIR,
Elizabeth will soon be the wife of Mr. Darcy.
4 comments:
Thank you. The 100-word version was the more evocative of the two, but the 500-word version allows more context and bizarre humour.
I look for more of these.
-S
Must be a good summary because it still irritates me. Never developed a taste for Austen.
I hate to brag about The Tribe but David Bader, celebrated author of Haikus for Jews has also written Haiku U in which he summarizes 100 great books in 17 syllables. You may wish to consult him if you feel too wordy:
Lady Chatterley's Lover
On the grounds, fresh game.
On the new gamekeeper, fresh
Lady Chatterley.
Metaphysics (Aristotle)
Substance has essence.
Form adds whatness to thatness.
Whatsits have thinghood.
Ah, 17 syllables each. That's much less impressive than what first crossed my mind.
Those are lovely haikus, and I'm always glad to see Aristotle simplified, because he's so boring to read fresh.
Personally, I thought the 500 word version was quite impressive - it identifies most of the major characters, some of the plot twists, and the ending. Not bad for a piece of software that's not really designed for this.
Well, I'm old-fashioned, as well as old. Didn't like Jane Austin when I was young but have taken to her with age. Clever though the summaries may be, they don't live up to the real thing. It is a bit like reading one of those dreadful modern versions of the bible.
RQ
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