Tuesday, January 27, 2009

House hunting, year 2

It's curious, how different people's perceptions can be.

Looking out of the upstairs window from 4/33 Rukutai Street, Susan -- already unsympathetic -- muttered to me: "There's a stagnant stream outside."

There was indeed one of those water features that estate agents persist in calling "a stream", but look to me more like a poorly-finished ditch. I pointed it out to the agent.

"What's the problem? We're well above sea level here," he shrugged.

"Sea level be damned," I retorted. "What about mosquito level?"

"Ah, that's only a problem with stagnant water. That out there, that's running water."

I looked again at the water. A lethargic 'skater twitched its way across the surface.

"That's running, is it?"

Babbling, burbling, gurgling, rushing -- all of these would be entirely false descriptions. Truer descriptions would feature terms such as "ochre", "fecund" and, I felt, quite possibly "leprous". This water wasn't running, it wasn't even sauntering, I seriously doubted if it so much as got out of bed.

Have I mentioned what lying bastards estate agents are?

6 comments:

SMG said...

Ah yes we sales people do tend to paint a rosey picture when all the world sees budless thorny stems.

Ruby Apolline said...

From "Truer descriptions" to "got out of bed," = two of your best sentences, and you've written some good ones.

I should note here that in the American TV show about doctors called House, now in its fifth season, leprosy has been featured in two episodes. It's possible the old disease is making a comeback. I'd be careful, if I were you.

Deadlyjelly said...

Hahaha! I am completely with you on estate agents. As a profession and gross generalisation, they are quite possibly more evil than accountants. RE Agents threaten the very fabric of society.

(Are you interested in setting up a Real Estate Agents Unappreciation Society? I'm free on Tuesday evenings.)

vet said...

SMG -- it's one thing if the stems are foreseeably likely, one day, to have buds and roses on them. But if they're basically thistles, then I tend to characterise the "rosy" description as misleading.

Ruby, I'm not clear how you catch leprosy. But, Wikipedia tells me, neither is anyone else, so perhaps I'd best play it safe. Thanks for the warning.

DJ, I'd be afraid such a society might be -- oversubscribed. But if you've got any useful, legal tips for dealing with Them, I'd be delighted to hear them some Tuesday. Drop me a mail.

Thank you all,

Eric Lester said...

Your penultimate paragraph approaches the intensity and quality of parts of the famous Monty Python "Parrot Sketch."

vet said...

Aww, Eric, there's no way anything I've written is worthy to be compared with mastery like that. But thank you for trying.