Well, I've been avidly following the BBC coverage of the UK elections all night. It was either that or work. And, by way of experiment, I've recorded my impressions at intervals in bites of 140 characters or less. This is how the night has looked, from down here:
God, Jeremy Paxman hasn't half aged. I wonder if he's stopped dying his hair. Or started. Perhaps grey is the new black.
Is that the Dimbleby? At least his hair looks natural. Which is more than I can say for the studio, looks like a Quantel dream gone berserk.
"Voters angry at being turned away from polling stations." What, a 15 hour day isn't long enough to get your arse down to a polling station?
"2230 California gov Arnold Schwarzenegger phones David Cameron to congratulate him." What does the Governator know that we don't?
Pix of queues outside polling booths. Good grief. But turnout is no more than usual. Cock-up, conspiracy, or both?
Maybe ID requirements have been tightened up, to demonstrate how ID cards are Absolutely Necessary In Today's Dangerous World.
What is the BBC playing at? Cosy panel of insomniac pundits is replaced by frantic bustling room of 30-plus. Trying to impress Americans?
Good luck with that. It's hard enough to get a US television audience to watch their own elections.
"BREAKING NEWS: Next result - Sunderland Central - Labour win". Surely "Lab hold"? This is the kind of thing I'd expect from Sky News.
"2303: Another former Lib Dem leader Neil Kinnock also says the figure for the Lib Dems is "almost certainly wrong"." It's not alone.
"2346 The BNP saved their deposit in Washington and Sunderland West." Oh dear. Maybe inevitable after Gordo's little Episode.
"The prime minister will try to form a coalition government in the event of a hung parliament." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
National result after 17 seats: 4.2% swing to Con. Not nearly enough. Good grief, how much must Cameron suck that he can't even beat GB?
"0135 Gordon Brown increases his majority." Seriously, how was "date with density" wrong?
"0150 Lib Dems fail to win Guildford, Tory majority increased." Nothing like a Lib Dem threat to galvanise the Tory vote.
More license money being well spent. Have you seen what they're playing with right now?
"0236 Speaking on the BBC election boat,..." - "Election boat"? Seriously - WTF?
Very disappointing night for the Lib Dems. That's the downside of being taken seriously - people start to look at *all* your policies.
Cameron clearly thinks he's won. His constituency victory speech is all about what he'll do as PM.
Bet he's still hoping for a razor-thin majority. He knows the next five years will be a mess, he'll want to be able to share the blame.
0308: Alex Salmond concedes defeat to Labour. Damn shame. There was one party I'd love to see come out a big winner.
0313: BBC says UKIP and BNP have gained, but Greens have lost ground. So, not just a "protest" defection to minor parties then.
0321: Stories of problems for overseas voters: ballots not delivered. What with the home voters being turned away - bit of a balls-up, then.
0416: "BBC's freelancer at Stevenage reports expected declaration time at 0330am." Even *with* all those people, BBC still can't keep up.
0618: Tories now on 268 out of 550, Labour 213, LD 42. So 27 "others". If "others" split or abstain (Sinn Fein), that's a Tory majority.
0622: Bugger this for a game of soldiers, I'm going home. No doubt I'll hear the result on the News Quiz.