Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tips to Kiwi cinema-owners

  1. Popcorn tastes better when it's less than a day old.

  2. Selling tickets is not the same as popcorn and ice-creams. When I'm trying to buy a ticket to a movie that starts in four minutes, I don't want to be in a queue behind six teenagers arguing about which Meal Deal they want.

  3. It is possible to focus the projector. Try doing it at least once a day. Oh, and much as I applaud your equal-opportunities policy, I suggest this particular job be given to someone who isn't blind.

  4. Don't make stupid rules about what I can take into the theatre. If you make me go home to leave my stuff there, I'm not coming back.

  5. A hot dog is a sausage in a bun. It doesn't have to taste good - that's what mustard is for - but it's appropriate to the movie-going experience, and that's what counts. What that porcine abomination on a stick might be I don't know, but keep it away from me.

14 comments:

Ruby Apolline said...

Porcine abomination? Porcine abomination? That's...just beautiful.

A corn dog, perhaps? Stuff on a stick can be fun. I had frozen cheesecake on a stick just because of the name and it turned out to be not bad.

The larger American movie theatre chains have started providing a such a dizzying array of food it makes me feel old. Every time I go to the movies I feel compelled to say, "Back when I was a kid, all we had were those JuJuBees that tore out your fillings, M&Ms and nachos. None of this cotton-candy, ice cream sundae (w/ or w/o nuts), hamburger and fries stuff."

Xigent said...

Hell, I can beat that, Miss Ruby: Back when I was a kid the movie sound tracks came from the village drunk pretending to play a player piano. The roof, and therefore the ceiling, was made of corrugated iron. That's how I remember it, anyway.

These tips are way overdue, vet. I only hope you haven't risked your standing in the community by making them so openly.

Can't help but visualize this theater as the kind where War of the Worlds III would be playing, rather than, say, Taken.

If I'm wrong, more tips may be in order.

vet said...

Xigent, I think those tips could be applied with advantage by most all cinema-owners in this benighted country. The greatest mercy is that they don't serve nachos with vomit, which I recall from one place in the UK.

There is a variant of the movie-going experience now, at my local cinema, called "Gold Class". For twice as much money you get an almost-deserted theatre, big, reclining seats, meals - proper pub-like meals, not just popcorn - served to your seat on a tray, with beer and everything. Neither the meals nor the beer are exactly top-notch, but they're a lot better than the hot dogs.

But most of the above tips still apply.

Nodressrehearsal said...

I'm a firm believer that the only food meant to be eaten at the movies is popcorn. And it should always come in a bucket-sized container and it should be so greasy with real butter that even though you wipe your fingers frequently on your napkin, it still soaks through to your pant leg, just a little bit.

Nodressrehearsal said...

Oh, and um, not for nothin'... but over there ----------->
in the column on the right, is a link to my livejournal, for which I am giddily grateful, thank you! But how come it doesn't update if I post something new, can you make that happen or will it forever show the post from whenever the link was added?

vet said...

NDR, I can't agree with that. Popcorn is a good start, but other foodstuffs have their place too.

The link does update, it's been there as long as the blog's been up... but it can take a few hours, which can be mildly annoying. I also wouldn't be a bit surprised if it takes longer to update for LiveJournal than for Blogspot sites.

vet said...

Okay, so it's taking its sweet time to update.

I tried to comment on your blog, really I did. But OpenID has me beat. Sorry 'bout that.

Deadlyjelly said...

Seriously bitchy! I love it. Encore!

Eric Lester said...

Thank you for an early-morning laugh. There is a terrific non-profit volunteer-staffed movie theatre in Tacoma called The Grand Cinema. It's worth the trip. Really.

Nodressrehearsal said...

Dammit all to hell. I set my lj to allow comments from any registered ljusers back in the day of tibu hostility.

If it means you'd pop over for visit, I'll risk the safety of my words and open it up to anyone.Seriously.

Actually, I'm thinking of activating my blog over here and simply cross posting, that's how much I miss some of the tibu feedback of old.

In lj, when someone comments on a post or a comment of mine, I get an email telling me so. Do you get email notifications in here when someone comments on your posts, at least?

Oooh! I see I can put a checkmark down below to get an email of follow-up comments !Yay Blogger!

vet said...

DJ, we aim to bitch. Thank you.

Eric, your link is giving me a 404 error. But I gravely doubt that it could show me anything that would persuade me to undertake a trip behind the Iron Curtain.

NDR, it's up to you... does LiveJournal allow you to delete comments? I see that Ruby has apparently figured out how to comment over there. I'm sure I could do it - on a good day, when I'm concentrating - but those conditons may not be prevailing for quite a while...

Nodressrehearsal said...

Not only does Ruby comment over there, she cross posts her stuff over there. Yay!

Yes, you can delete a comment - is that good or bad?

vet said...

When I decided to allow anonymous commenting, I took comfort from the thought that if I got anything objectionable, I could just delete it.

It wouldn't be good enough against determined malice, but I'm hoping not to encounter that. The worst I'm planning for is spam, and some drive-by irritants. And more spam. If I make any really serious enemies, I'll have to change the policy, but until then...

Jantar said...

Here in Prague my favourite movie theater has these airplane style, hinged serving trays on the back of the chairs.

These have three different sized holes: One for your average half litre glass of beer, one for a lemonade glass and the last one for a shot glass.

Plus, the bar stays open during the whole movie, so you can pop out to get new drinks whenever you want - and you can smoke.

I haven't seen people actually having sex there but I'm sure no-one would mind all that much.

The Czechs are a very laid back people who understand what people want & need in life,
J.